At Resolve Conflict Family Lawyers and Mediators our focus is always on the children and finding divorce solutions that keep their welfare front and centre.

Coping with parenting when your children are split between two households and two parents, and in some cases, partners and grandparents, is difficult.  You need patience and a good dollop of kindness and understanding to manage your children.  You also need to have a commitment to consistency between parents.  Setting boundaries and keeping disciplinary measures in place will make life easier for everyone all round, including the children.

Here are some tips that will help you along the way:

  • Try to keep the same rules in place that were followed before the separation. If your kids weren’t allowed to watch television after 6pm don’t suddenly decide that it is OK for them to do that. When kids are feeling like their world is changing, they need to have some sameness in their daily routine.  Maintaining household rules and standards can give them a sense of stability.

 

  •  If you have a less than cordial relationship with your ex try to enlist the help of a 3rd party to discuss discipline for the children.  To have consistency across both homes will be a great help to you both, no matter how hard that is to achieve.

 

  •  No matter how hard it is, for your children’s sake, don’t reverse each other’s decisions.  It will only confuse your children.   And don’t say yes when you had agreed to say no.

 

  •  Most of all – don’t discuss your personal views of the other parent with your child and never try to turn your children against the other parent. Remember, this person is still your child’s father or mother and they deserve the right to have their relationship with them untarnished by your views.  In years to come they will be able to make up their own mind, but for now, hold your tongue. No matter how hurt or angry you are, keep your opinions to yourself and spend some time venting with a close friend, not your children.

 

  •  Living between two houses can be tough.  Try to achieve a routine that kids can feel comfortable with which will help make them feel secure, and help them manage the division of clothes and other personal items at home and school so they never have the added stress of being without something as it’s at ‘the other parents house’.

It can be a difficult and awkward time transitioning to a two-parent lifestyle but a good result can be achieved. Above all keep talking with your children about how they are feeling and what they are experiencing.

For more information on how you can separate and divorce with or without court please contact our office  – 9620 0088

 

Successfully Co-Parenting – Fact or Fiction?

by resconflict on July 18, 2018

Successfully Co-Parenting – Fact or Fiction? Resolve Conflict Family LawyersParenting in the easiest of circumstances is a difficult task. When you throw divorce into the mix, parenting shifts from day-to-day difficulties to being a myriad of problematic navigations for you and your co-parent.

So, is successfully co-parenting fact or fiction? What does successful co-parenting look like? As expected no co-parenting arrangement or methods are the same. However, many successful co-parents share similarities in how they work towards an amicable co-parenting partnership, which at the forefront, has their children’s best interest in mind.

Successful co-parents:

Don’t bad-mouth their ex-partners

“It’s crucial to remember that your children are keenly aware that they are the product of both mum and dad. So hearing bad things about the other parent is actually telling the child that one-half of them is ‘bad.’ It doesn’t take much to realise how hurtful – and damaging – that is to a child.”[1]

Work hard to keep things civil

Following from the above point, successful co-parents keep their children’s feelings at the forefront of everything they do. Obviously, co-parents aren’t always going to agree, however making an effort to diffuse tensions is a good place to start.

Agree on consistent rules for each household

It’s no secret that children need routine and structure to feel safe and secure, as well as flourish in their growth. It’s paramount that each parents’ household more or less holds the same rules in regards to bedtime, watching TV, homework, household chores and the like. “Running a tight ship creates a sense of security and predictability for children. So no matter where your child is, he or she knows that certain rules will be enforced.”[2]

Commit to communicate

“Communication is probably the most important part of a successful co-parenting relationship. If you and your co-parent are able to communicate efficiently and effectively there will be less opportunity for conflicts to arise. Communication can help to make a confusing and difficult situation much more clear and easy-to-understand.”[3]

Related Article: How To Communicate Better With Your Co-Parent

Maintain some pre-divorce traditions

“Family traditions counter alienation and confusion. They help us define who we are; they provide something steady, reliable and safe in a confusing world.”[4]


Note: This is general information advice only and does not constitute specific legal advice. If you would like further information in relation to this matter or other legal matters, please contact us on 03 9620 0088 or email 
info@resolveconflict.com.au

 

 

 

 

[1] Brown J, 2018, ‘7 Traits All Successful Co-Parenting Arrangements Share’, Fatherly, 1 February, viewed 18 July 2018, https://www.fatherly.com/love-money/traits-successful-co-parenting-arrangements-share/

[2] Serani, D 2012, ‘The Do’s and Don’ts of Co-Parenting Well’, Psychology Today, 28 March, viewed 18 July 2018, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/two-takes-depression/201203/the-dos-and-donts-co-parenting-well

[3] ‘Tips for Successful Co-Parenting’, Our Family Wizard, viewed 18 July 2018, https://www.ourfamilywizard.com/blog/tips-for-successful-co-parenting

[4] Hayes S, ‘6 Guiding Principles for A Successful Co-Parenting Partnership’, Motherly, viewed 18 July 2018, https://www.mother.ly/parenting/divorce-co-parenting-love

Top Secrets To A Successful Marriage

by resconflict on July 11, 2018

Top Secrets To A Successful Marriage - Resolve Conflict Family LawyersPart in parcel of being a Family Law firm is that we often are discussing and focused on separation, divorce and how the family unit can best legally, emotionally and logistically handle changes in the family dynamics during and after divorce.

Today however, we’ve decided to compile the top secrets to a successful marriage, according to highly regarded marriage therapists and counsellors.

 

Celebrate good news

“Research shows that couples who regularly celebrate the good times have higher levels of commitment, intimacy, trust, and relationship satisfaction…It’s not enough that your partner knows that you take pride in his or her accomplishments. You have to show it. Making a fuss over the small, good things that happen every day can boost the health of your marriage.”[1]

Be independent

“In order to be happy in a relationship, we must be happy first. That is, in fact, the key to a successful marriage. With that in mind, wives and husbands must continue to take out time for themselves, enjoy their personal hobbies, and in general, spend some time apart.  Not only does absence make the heart grow fonder, but in the time we spend alone, we get to reunite with our spiritual side, re-establish our sense of self, and check in with the progress of our personal preferences, goals, and achievements.”[2]

Know how to compromise

“Both of you realise that it is not your way, all the time. You are able to make room your partner’s needs and settle on a middle ground or accommodate their requests, just as often as you are willing to fight for your own needs to be met.”[3]

Learn to fight fair

“Be respectful even when you argue. Especially when you argue. Don’t be hurtful just to make points.”[4]

Communication is the key

“Couples need to be able to share feelings with one another, talk about difficult subjects and remain civil to one another. Even when you would rather sweep something under the rug, you and your partner need to find a way to muddle through a challenging conversation.”[5]

Date night

“Among the other tips for a successful marriage, this tip is the most ignored and overlooked by couples, especially those who have been married for a while. It does not matter what a couple does on their date night. Simply having a night when they spend their time just with each other strengthens the bond and maintains it over time. When you have date night, you should turn your phones off and put them away so you are free of distractions. Change it up often and be helpful and positive for one another.”[6]

 

Note: This is general information advice only and does not constitute specific legal advice. If you would like further information in relation to this matter or other legal matters, please contact us on 03 9620 0088 or email info@resolveconflict.com.au

 

 

 

 

[1] Barker E, 2014, ‘Recipe For A Happy Marriage: The 7 Scientific Secrets’, TIME, 20 March, viewed 11 July 2018, http://time.com/30921/recipe-for-a-happy-marriage-the-7-scientific-secrets/

[2] 2018, ’15 Key Secrets To A Successful Marriage’, Marriage.com, 29 May, viewed 11 July 2018, https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/15-key-secrets-to-a-successful-marriage/

[3] Milrad R, 2017, ‘7 Secrets To A Successful Marriage’, Huffington Post, 28 June, viewed 11 July, https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/7-secrets-to-a-successful-marriage_us_59530e79e4b0c85b96c65db4

[4] Hillin T, 2014, ’21 Secrets To Wedding Bliss From Happily Married Couples’, Huffington Post, 9 May, viewed 11 July 2018, https://www.huffingtonpost.com.au/entry/marriage-advice_n_5762470

[5] Milrad R, 2017, ‘7 Secrets To A Successful Marriage’, Huffington Post, 28 June, viewed 11 July, https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/7-secrets-to-a-successful-marriage_us_59530e79e4b0c85b96c65db4

[6] 2018, ’15 Key Secrets To A Successful Marriage’, Marriage.com, 29 May, viewed 11 July 2018, https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/15-key-secrets-to-a-successful-marriage/

Telling Your Spouse You Want A Divorce

July 4, 2018

Broaching the subject of divorce with your spouse is without doubt a delicate conversation. Most of us don’t want to devastate our partners, nor do we want to trigger an all-out war. The following tips look at things to consider prior to discussing divorce with your partner. Note, there is no “one size fits all” […]

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Secrets To An Amicable Divorce

June 26, 2018

It’s no secret, divorce is rarely easy. However if you can find a way to positively navigate through your divorce as amicably as possible, you will undoubtedly save yourself a lot of stress, heartache, time and money. Here are a few ways to help your divorce run as smoothly and as amicably as possible;   […]

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Property Settlement and Divorce: Key Facts You Need To Know

June 20, 2018

What is a ‘Property Settlement’: Generally speaking, property settlement in the context of divorce refers to the division of assets and liabilities between you and your former spouse or de facto partner. This important step finalises the financial ties between you. Without severing this financial relationship, you leave yourself vulnerable to property settlement claims being […]

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Is Mediation An Effective Solution For Your Divorce?

June 13, 2018

Traditionally, the process of divorce can be a long, painful and a costly endeavour, however there are other options divorcing couples can choose that may be more appropriate to their needs, like mediation. Family Law Mediation is a legal, voluntary and confidential process for resolving disputes in which a neutral third party (the mediator) helps […]

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How To De-Stress During A Divorce

June 6, 2018

Divorce is among the toughest experiences you can endure, the process is  filled with complex feelings around loss, which can induce high levels of stress. Acknowledging and dealing with stress is an important aspect of living a healthy life. Below are some suggestions for ways of handling your stress during the difficult process of divorce. Seek […]

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How To Communicate Better With Your Co-parent

May 16, 2018

Co-parenting is rarely easy, even for a happily married couple. For separated co-parents the trials of day-to-day parenting can become fraught with unnecessary conflict, particularly when there is a break-down in communication. Looking at ways to help communication is an obvious solution that will help both parents and their children ease into their new routines. […]

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Deal With Your Finances During A Separation

May 9, 2018

There are many important things you need to organise when going through a separation. One that may not be a priority, however is crucial to your current and future financial wellbeing, is your finances. The following article outlines the first steps you need to take when going through a separation to help you get a […]

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How To Tell The Kids You’re Getting Divorced

May 2, 2018

The difficult task of telling your children you’re getting divorced isn’t easy to do in the best of circumstances. Your children may react in a variety of ways: sadness, anger, or even relief. Despite this naturally being a challenging conversation, there are always good ways to give upsetting news. Preparation by parents can make things […]

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