At Resolve Conflict Family Lawyers and Mediators our focus is always on the children and finding divorce solutions that keep their welfare front and centre.

Coping with parenting when your children are split between two households and two parents, and in some cases, partners and grandparents, is difficult.  You need patience and a good dollop of kindness and understanding to manage your children.  You also need to have a commitment to consistency between parents.  Setting boundaries and keeping disciplinary measures in place will make life easier for everyone all round, including the children.

Here are some tips that will help you along the way:

  • Try to keep the same rules in place that were followed before the separation. If your kids weren’t allowed to watch television after 6pm don’t suddenly decide that it is OK for them to do that. When kids are feeling like their world is changing, they need to have some sameness in their daily routine.  Maintaining household rules and standards can give them a sense of stability.

 

  •  If you have a less than cordial relationship with your ex try to enlist the help of a 3rd party to discuss discipline for the children.  To have consistency across both homes will be a great help to you both, no matter how hard that is to achieve.

 

  •  No matter how hard it is, for your children’s sake, don’t reverse each other’s decisions.  It will only confuse your children.   And don’t say yes when you had agreed to say no.

 

  •  Most of all – don’t discuss your personal views of the other parent with your child and never try to turn your children against the other parent. Remember, this person is still your child’s father or mother and they deserve the right to have their relationship with them untarnished by your views.  In years to come they will be able to make up their own mind, but for now, hold your tongue. No matter how hurt or angry you are, keep your opinions to yourself and spend some time venting with a close friend, not your children.

 

  •  Living between two houses can be tough.  Try to achieve a routine that kids can feel comfortable with which will help make them feel secure, and help them manage the division of clothes and other personal items at home and school so they never have the added stress of being without something as it’s at ‘the other parents house’.

It can be a difficult and awkward time transitioning to a two-parent lifestyle but a good result can be achieved. Above all keep talking with your children about how they are feeling and what they are experiencing.

For more information on how you can separate and divorce with or without court please contact our office  – 9620 0088

 

A Guide To ‘Grey Divorce’

by resconflict on February 21, 2018

A Guide To Grey Divorce - Resolve Conflict Family LawyersAs divorce in Australia has steadily been declining over the past decade or so, the evolution of Grey Divorces has steadily been on the rise.

Grey Divorce, first coined in reference to the end of a 40+ year long-term relationship, is now more commonly used to refer to the divorce trend amongst baby boomers regardless of the length of their marriage.

Related Article: How To Survive Divorce After 50

There are many unique elements to consider when facing a ‘Grey Divorce’ that differ from other generations, potential the most significant and difficult being a complex financial separation.

For instance;

  1. Determining value of Premarital Assets and Liabilities
  2. Proving Separate Property vs Marital Property
  3. Division of the family home
  4. Division of Superannuation
  5. Division of Family Trust.

Due to the complexity of a ‘Grey Divorce’ it is advised both parties seek professional advice on their specific situation.

For more articles please visit the Resolve Conflict Blog here. If you have any queries on Family Law or Mediation, please don’t hesitate to contact us on 03 9620 0088 or email info@resolveconflict.com.au

How To Tell Your School Aged Child Your Getting Divorced

by resconflict on February 13, 2018

How To Tell Your School Aged Child Your Getting Divorced - Resolve Conflict Family LawyersSurprisingly, or not, your 5-8 year old may already be familiar with the concept of divorce. It is more than likely that several children in their class have divorced parents.

Before breaking the news of your impending separation/divorce you and your spouse should consider discussing your plan.

The following points are a useful guide to consider before telling your child you’re getting divorced.

1. THINK LIKE YOUR CHILD

Consider what concerns and worries your child may have about the divorce and how it may affect their lives. They will probably want to know what will change and what won’t change in their day to day lives.

Note: “What you say and what your kids hear may not be the same thing. Most young children (and plenty of older ones too) will blame themselves for the divorce. It’s important to head that one off as soon as possible by telling them directly that it has nothing to do with them…”[1]

2. SAY IT TOGETHER

Presenting a united front shows your child that you can still work as a team and have their best interests at heart. This is not a time for blame or accusations it’s about guiding your child through uncharted territory of emotions at the same time reassuring them that everything will be ok.


Related Article:
 The Top 5 Mistakes Divorced Parents Make

3. HAVE A PLAN

Know what you are both going to say and how you are going to say it. Together with your spouse dot point key messages that you think are initially important for your child to hear. There will likely be more conversations in the future about what is happening, however the initial conversation needs to concentrate on the imitate facts.

4. EXPECT AN ARRAY OF EMOTIONS

Children of a young age are innately egocentric and their main concerns may be in regard to specific things that may affect their routine. As discussed above having a plan will help reassure your child of how the divorce will and won’t affect their lives.

“It’s also normal for them to cry, yell, retreat to their rooms, and slam doors. You know your child best. Read her cues to determine if she needs space and time for the news to sink in or whether she needs a reassuring hug.”[2]

5. BE OPEN TO QUESTIONS

“It will take time for your children to process how they feel. You should expect to have many more conversations with them as the separation and divorce proceed. Both you and your spouse should be open to answering questions and responding to your children’s emotional needs. Be honest with them about what you know and what you don’t know.”[3]

 

[1] Brott, A 2014, 9 Things To Consider Before Telling Your Kids About The Divorce, 26th July 2014, viewed 7th February 2018. https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/07/26/what-you-need-to-know-bef_0_n_5615228.html

[2] Rabinor, Dr. J 2013, Befriending Your Ex After Divorce: Making Life Better for You, Your Kids and Yes, Your Ex. , New Harbinger Publications Inc, Oakland

[3] Moninger, J, How to Tell Your Kids That You’re Getting A Divorce, viewed 7th February 2018. https://www.parents.com/parenting/divorce/children/how-to-tell-your-kids-that-you-are-getting-a-divorce/

“We Need To Talk”…How to successfully discuss divorce with your spouse

February 6, 2018

Difficult conversations are undoubtedly challenging, none so much as bringing up divorce with your spouse. This conversation (and subsequent conversations) are likely to be highly emotive and stressful for both parties. “The legal, financial, property and custody issues that arise in divorce are often enough to make some put off raising the topic of divorce […]

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Divorcing Peacefully

January 30, 2018

Peaceful Divorce – surely that’s an oxymoron, right? Well, not necessarily. Divorce can certainly be a very trying and stressful time, however there are things you can do to make sure the process is as peaceful as possible (even if your ex-partner isn’t being amicable). Seek support Now is the time to seek out emotional […]

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Stages of Separation and What to Consider

January 23, 2018

The end of a relationship may be inevitable and welcome to unhappy couples, however this doesn’t mean that each party won’t experience a sense of loss and grief throughout the separating process. Acclaimed psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross says “Couples who have experienced a painful relationship breakup will often go through several stages as they cope with their loss…it’s […]

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7 Reasons You Can’t Afford NOT To Get Divorced

January 16, 2018

Unfortunately some couples stay in toxic unhappy marriages due to the cost of divorce. This can create extreme stress within the home and needless to say isn’t great for either party. It must be noted that not all ‘uncoupling’ needs to necessarily cost that much, for instance mediation is a great cost effective pathway to […]

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5 Ways To Reduce Stress During A Divorce

January 10, 2018

There is no denying that separation and divorce can be a trying and genuinely stressful experience for many people. That being said, divorce is often an unavoidable truth for many couples in this day and age and hence, so is stress. Stress, as with most things, is dealt with differently from person to person, however the […]

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12 Books To Read To Help You Through Divorce

January 2, 2018

The mark of a new year can also mark a new separation and the beginning of divorce for many Australian couples. The following excerpt by ELLIE BROUGHTON lists the 12 best books to read for the newly single.     Heartburn by Nora Ephron Heartburn is an autobiographical novel about what happens when the main character finds out, seven […]

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New Year’s resolutions for the whole family

December 27, 2017

New Year’s resolutions don’t have to just be about yourself. Making resolutions with your partner and family can help strengthen your bond as a couple and as a whole family. Ring in the new year right with these tips for a better 2018. New Year’s resolutions for the whole family BY LIZA FINLAY | todaysparent.com Making […]

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5 Things You Can Do To Avoid Conflict Over the Holidays

December 19, 2017

Holidays are often a great time to relax with family and friends, however for a lot of families it can be extremely stressful, creating the perfect environment for conflict. The following article highlights five insightful tips to help families avoid conflict these holidays.   5 Things You Can Do To Avoid Conflict Over the Holidays […]

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