At Resolve Conflict Family Lawyers and Mediators our focus is always on the children and finding divorce solutions that keep their welfare front and centre.

Coping with parenting when your children are split between two households and two parents, and in some cases, partners and grandparents, is difficult.  You need patience and a good dollop of kindness and understanding to manage your children.  You also need to have a commitment to consistency between parents.  Setting boundaries and keeping disciplinary measures in place will make life easier for everyone all round, including the children.

Here are some tips that will help you along the way:

  • Try to keep the same rules in place that were followed before the separation. If your kids weren’t allowed to watch television after 6pm don’t suddenly decide that it is OK for them to do that. When kids are feeling like their world is changing, they need to have some sameness in their daily routine.  Maintaining household rules and standards can give them a sense of stability.

 

  •  If you have a less than cordial relationship with your ex try to enlist the help of a 3rd party to discuss discipline for the children.  To have consistency across both homes will be a great help to you both, no matter how hard that is to achieve.

 

  •  No matter how hard it is, for your children’s sake, don’t reverse each other’s decisions.  It will only confuse your children.   And don’t say yes when you had agreed to say no.

 

  •  Most of all – don’t discuss your personal views of the other parent with your child and never try to turn your children against the other parent. Remember, this person is still your child’s father or mother and they deserve the right to have their relationship with them untarnished by your views.  In years to come they will be able to make up their own mind, but for now, hold your tongue. No matter how hurt or angry you are, keep your opinions to yourself and spend some time venting with a close friend, not your children.

 

  •  Living between two houses can be tough.  Try to achieve a routine that kids can feel comfortable with which will help make them feel secure, and help them manage the division of clothes and other personal items at home and school so they never have the added stress of being without something as it’s at ‘the other parents house’.

It can be a difficult and awkward time transitioning to a two-parent lifestyle but a good result can be achieved. Above all keep talking with your children about how they are feeling and what they are experiencing.

For more information on how you can separate and divorce with or without court please contact our office  – 9620 0088

 

Top 6 Things NOT To Do When Getting Divorced

by resconflict on April 18, 2018

Top 6 Things NOT To Do When Getting Divorced - Resolve Conflict Family LawyersWhen you are going through a divorce it’s only natural to find that your emotions are running high at certain stages of the process. Though stressed and emotional it’s important to remember that any decisions you make can carry profound implications for your familial, emotional or financial situation for years to come.

Here are 6 tips on what NOT to do whilst getting divorced:

1. Don’t use the kids as pawns

Divorce can be especially difficult for children, without them feeling like they are in a tug-of-war over which parent they love more. Now more than ever children need support from both parents, rather than making them pick a side.

2. Don’t make decisions without fully understanding the implications

Now is not the time to be a bystander on what is going on. “Read as much as you can, go to free (or paid) consultations with various professionals (mediators, attorneys, divorce coaches and more). The more information you have regarding your rights and options, the better decisions you will be able to make.”[1]

3. Don’t dismiss to options of Collaborative Divorce or Mediation

Collaborative Family Law or Mediation is often a great option for couples that are able to remain amicable and have a good understanding of their financial standing. Most importantly they want to retain control of what happens to their family and wish to resolve their differences respectfully and privately out of Court.

Related Article: How to Avoid A Messy and Costly Divorce

4. Don’t let your emotions dictate your actions

“Whether it’s sadness, anger, pain, or even relief, divorces are riddled with emotions, and that’s ok. But it’s important to remember not to let those feelings steer the ship.”[2] Divorce is a legal matter and emotions though hard to put aside can interfere with you obtaining a favourable result.

5. Don’t make your private life public

Divorce has the potential to get messy quickly, particularly if private matters or emotional outburst are being shared publically on social media.

6. Don’t keep things from your lawyer

Remember your lawyer is in your corner. You need to give your lawyer a full picture and understanding of your goals so they can successfully formulate a strategy to achieve your goals.

 

Note: This is general information advice only and does not constitute specific legal advice. If you would like further information in relation to this matter or other legal matters, please contact us on 03 9620 0088 or email info@resolveconflict.com.au

 

 

[1] Rozen Dr M 2013, ‘The 5 Worst Mistakes People Make During Divorce’, Huffingto Post, 24th July, viewed 18th April 2018, https://www.huffingtonpost.com/michelle-rozen/divorce-mistakes_b_3641432.html

[2] Martin E 2017, ‘7 things you should never do if you’re about to get divorced’, Business Insider Australia, 9th February, viewed 18th April 2018, https://www.businessinsider.com.au/things-you-should-never-do-if-youre-about-to-get-divorced-2017-2?r=US&IR=T

How To Achieve An Amicable Divorce

by resconflict on April 12, 2018

http://www.resolveconflict.com.au/family-law/avoid-messy-costly-divorce/Divorce is hard to do, it comes with expected and unexpected challenges that can be hard to navigate.

The main goal for most divorcing couples is to successfully get through the divorce as quickly and amicably as possible.

The following excerpt highlights five simple tips to help you achieve a more peaceful divorce.

1. Get Support

It’s important to remember that no matter how isolated you may feel, you are not alone.

Recognise that there are sources of divorce support that you can leverage to help you sort through the menagerie of feelings you’re experiencing and learn how to deal with them in a constructive way.

When you can control your emotions, you will be better prepared to approach divorce negotiations with a calm, level head.

2. Avoid the Blame Game

There are always two sides to every story, but it can be tough to see that when you’re in the midst of a messy and emotionally charged divorce.

One of the most important steps in how to get through your divorce peacefully is to step back and take ownership for whatever part you had in the demise of the marriage.

When both spouses own up to their own shortcomings and take responsibility for their actions, there is less blame and more open, honest communication.

3. Pick Your Battles

If you’re looking to drag your divorce out for months or even years, then by all means, fight over every little thing.

But if you want to get through divorce peacefully, you’re going to have to learn to pick your battles.

Take the time to figure out what’s most important to you — what your wants, needs and non-negotiables are — before you discuss them with your spouse. That way, you’ll have the clarity to tackle negotiations in a more peaceful, focused manner.

Related Article: How To Avoid A Messy And Costly Divorce

4. Choose a More Peaceful Divorce Option

When it comes to divorce, you’ve got plenty of choices.

You can litigate and battle it out in court. If you have a simple case, you can try to do it yourself. You can collaborate and pay half a dozen people to intervene in the process. Or you can mediate.

Take the time up front to do your homework and research all of the available options. Then, choose the one that’s most likely to keep your divorce as peaceful as possible.

5. Keep An Eye On The Big Picture

The last tip on how to divorce peacefully is staying focused on the big picture.

The decisions you make now will affect you and your children for years to come, so don’t get bogged down in fighting over semantics or trying to be right.

Nobody wins in divorce, but if you focus on what’s most important, like the kids and your future, instead of the painful past, you have a much better chance of achieving a settlement you can both feel comfortable with.

For more articles please visit the Resolve Conflict Blog here. If you have any queries on Family Law or Mediation please don’t hesitate to contact us on 03 9620 0088 or email info@resolveconflict.com.au

 

 

Resources:

Dillion C, Dillion J 2014, ‘5 Tips for Divorcing Peacefully’, Huffington Post, 5 November, viewed 12 April 2018. https://www.huffingtonpost.com/cheryl-and-joe-dillon/5-tips-for-divorcing-peacefully_b_6103306.html

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Do’s and Don’ts of Successful Co-Parenting

April 4, 2018

No matter how well you and your ex-partner get on, co-parenting can be a treacherous balancing act, requiring each parent to present “empathy, patience and open communication for success.”[1] Which most co-parents will tell you is easier said than done. The following points explore some of the best and worst ways co-parents can navigate the […]

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Ways to Create New Holiday Traditions Post-Divorce

March 27, 2018

With Easter fast approaching it’s a timely reminder for newly divorced parents, that creating new holiday memories and traditions can help their children and themselves deal with the ups and downs of this difficult time. The following excerpt highlights 7 was parents can create new and positive holiday memories for their children post-divorce. Adopt a […]

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Parenting Plan vs Parenting Order: What you need to know

March 21, 2018

Divorce may come with what seems like an insurmountable list of things to consider and decide on, however none so important as how you and your ex-partner will care for your children. Choosing between a Parenting Plan or going down the path of a Parenting Order will greatly depend on how well you and your […]

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Why Prenups Are Actually Romantic

March 14, 2018

Nobody gets married with the thought of getting divorced, so often a prenuptial or financial agreement is seen as unromantic or worse, assuming the relationship will end at some point. However, another school of thought is that a prenup agreement is just a safeguard, comparable to insurance, nobody plans on having their house burn down, […]

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How to Avoid A Messy and Costly Divorce

March 6, 2018

The best way to avoid a messy and costly divorce often comes down to the divorcing spouses. If each party is able to do their part the divorce process can often been relatively smooth, with a positive outcome for both sides, whilst also reducing potential costs and the duration. Top tips to avoid a messy […]

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What To Do When Your Spouse Wants A Divorce

February 28, 2018

Breaking up is never easy. If your spouse has initiated the divorce process, there are some common-sense steps that you should take in order to protect yourself, as well as ensuring that the process is as amicable and peaceful as possible. Stay calm. It’s best to try and keep your emotions at bay, so you […]

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A Guide To ‘Grey Divorce’

February 21, 2018

As divorce in Australia has steadily been declining over the past decade or so, the evolution of Grey Divorces has steadily been on the rise. Grey Divorce, first coined in reference to the end of a 40+ year long-term relationship, is now more commonly used to refer to the divorce trend amongst baby boomers regardless […]

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How To Tell Your School Aged Child Your Getting Divorced

February 13, 2018

Surprisingly, or not, your 5-8 year old may already be familiar with the concept of divorce. It is more than likely that several children in their class have divorced parents. Before breaking the news of your impending separation/divorce you and your spouse should consider discussing your plan. The following points are a useful guide to […]

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